Yesterday was a bittersweet day. I sold our RV trailer.

This is the reality of what happens when a spouse dies. This is what you don’t think about when together you’re planning burial wishes and buying life insurance. You don’t think about the treasured things that must be sold because you can no longer afford the upkeep. Plus, how do you continue to do an “us” venture when it’s just you?

I have to look at everything now like I’m some kind of grieving Marie Kondo on steroids and it sucks. It’s hard enough to imagine that he’s not going to be walking through the door, but letting go of the things that were “us” is kicking me when I’m down.

We has so many fun trips and great times in our RV trailer. As nearly empty-nesters we were planning a future of traveling just us two. We talked about downsizing to a smaller unit, but his 6’4″ frame fit the space and we had a comfortable, real mattress on the bed not an RV one. Plus, it was already paid for so why get a new one?

I sobbed as I took our things out of it and cleaned it. Things we used, things he touched, things that made it our vacation home. Oh, and I found his dive knife!

I left all the duplicate things we would no longer need: cutlery, cooking utensils, pots and pans, etc. The new owners have an instant camping setup.

My heart breaks for all the trips we should have taken, but didn’t. (Don’t let today pass you by, my dear friends, without taking every adventure!) My heart hurts for the future travels as a couple we should have had. My heart aches for the memories of fun game nights at the table with the kids where my son always won Monopoly, and the mornings sitting at the outside kitchen we called the “coffee bar.” My heart yearns for evenings by the campfire, a glass of wine in my hand and my husband grilling something tasty.

But, it’s over now. And the trailer is moving on without us. A sweet family with younger kids is taking over where we left off.